it was the most horrible feeling on earth. i was taken aback by how it was harder than standing behind a glass window alongside my family, watching my late grandfather turn into fine gravel. it was like
being stabbed in the chest a thousand times, no, the pain was so excruciating it was indescribable. it was as if the stars were dying and the earth crumbling to pieces but i have learnt that it was not the world, it was only me. it was like my skin ripped from my bones, my lungs aflame, a sharp butterfly knife to my gut, being put in a state of perpetual darkness that even the lights in my eyes burnt out. i remember blurry windowpanes and a pack of tissues offered by a kind stranger. i remember my head dizzy with sorrow i could go on and on and on -
but it gets better. i mean, it is getting better. after willingly immersing myself in the dark abyss, key word willingly, i stood up and found light in my eyes again. empty, but working towards being whole. strong. i have some of the most amazing people in my life and i am immensely thankful for that. i have books. i have music. i have life. it may hurt sometimes, but i think to myself, how wonderful it is to be bleeding, bruised, but furiously alive? everything will be okay. and i know for a fact that one day i'll look back at this very post and tell myself i was right. everything will be okay.