Saturday, December 6, 2014

good

i've been wanting to revamp and update my blog for the longest time but i just haven't gotten around to do so. perhaps it's due to the fact that i've been writing more on paper, not typing. 

school's been great. i wouldn't use the term amazing. but i'm coping. i am thankful as heck for my classmates. they make classes - not that i hate classes because i love what i'm studying and doing and that is incredibly rare so i'm not going to take it for granted - so much fun. so much better. 

this semester will be fine. 



Friday, November 14, 2014

things that make me happy


i think i wrote this at the lowest point in my life: nobody dies to stop pain - dying only gives it to those around you. pain is only temporary. please please please, try to live. 

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books. pretty pictures. gummies. dogs. iced milo. the smell of rain. november. tea. sunsets. tight hugs. christmas lights. sleep. sweaters. fireworks. the sound of thunder. coffee. movies. smooth pens. astronomy. chocolate. clean sheets. make-up. love. family. friends. 
make your own list. what makes you happy? took me 5 mins to come up with those things off the top of my head. there are so much more. whenever i feel dispirited/like shit i'd mentally conjure this list and start thinking of more things that make me happy. the world is fundamentally good. remember that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

i understood her

how she feigns confidence to conceal her insecurities. the way she constantly tries to disguise her feelings with sarcasm; this was usually the last resort of the bashful or the pure, whose souls have been harshly and so brazenly invaded; and those who, refuse to yield out of pride and are so damn terrified to express their feelings to you. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

i read

because i get to live and breathe as someone else, even if it is for a short period of time. i forget whatever negativity that's been going on in my life and just dive into this whole new world with reality disappearing behind me as i drown in stories after stories. because it feels exactly like watching a movie - except a little more personal - inside my head. books are so incredibly valuable, and we do not realise that somehow. for despite their monumental silence, they are granted wisdom, unlike us. for even though they are mere pages filled with words they are much more than the almost extinct human virtues. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014

change

so much has changed
ever since october 2013 
i dyed my hair brown. watched a shit ton of movies. most of them whilst lying on my bed at home and with a bare face, i take selfies with my dog. i read a shit ton of books. 26? 27? bought a shit ton of new clothes. i wear them once. twice. started school.  
 i dyed my hair blue. i still watch movies. i still buy new clothes. i wear them twice and people started to take notice. i do not wear them anymore.
i dyed my hair green. i thank people who compliment my hair. i am not used to talking to this many people within a timespan of 3 months. i am fascinated, and absolutely in awe of the people who were fascinated, and absolutely in awe of me. i still read a shit ton of books. i buy more new clothes, not forgetting make up. i am still putting up this spurious facade and i didn't even realise that i was doing so until;
i dyed my hair purple. i meet more new people. one night i sat around in a circle with the lot of them. i play first impressions with said people. fifteen out of fifteen thought i was arrogant-daunting-hostile-unapproachable. eventually they realised i wasn't what they envisioned "a girl like me" to be after all.  
i dyed my hair purple. and it got me thinking. i still watch a shit ton of movies. i still read a shit ton of books. i don't take selfies with my dog bare faced any more, though. i hate the shadow under my eyes. i hate the uncoloured spaces between the strands of my brows. i still buy a shit ton of new clothes. wait, i only wear them once now. 
i dyed my hair blue. what the hell was i supposed to do? define "a girl like me". i wear new clothes and i put on make up. but i still read a shit ton of books. i still watch a shit ton of movies. i still take photos of my dog. of. not with. how did i end up here? guess blue was when i started to change. 
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i dyed my hair black. no more stereotypes. i try to make better first impressions. stop being so damn anxious all the time. i hated meeting new people. i am starting to make progress. i buy lesser clothes. i wear them twice now. maybe thrice because who the fuck cares? i still read my books and i still watch my movies. i started taking selfies with my dog again.



Saturday, September 20, 2014

my idea of a perfect morning


waking up at 8 to the sound of pouring rain and thunderstorms outside foggy windows. brush my teeth, cuddle with my dog and perhaps have something healthy for breakfast for a change. raspberries. go back to huddling under my blankets, pick up my book because i always go to sleep with something to read at night and start diving into a whole new world that will never be mine to live in. take a step back to just breathe and think about how fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and how thankful i am to have wonderful people in my life. how did i get so lucky?

(and none of that involved my phone, computer or any other form of technology and whatnot)