Monday, October 20, 2014

i read

because i get to live and breathe as someone else, even if it is for a short period of time. i forget whatever negativity that's been going on in my life and just dive into this whole new world with reality disappearing behind me as i drown in stories after stories. because it feels exactly like watching a movie - except a little more personal - inside my head. books are so incredibly valuable, and we do not realise that somehow. for despite their monumental silence, they are granted wisdom, unlike us. for even though they are mere pages filled with words they are much more than the almost extinct human virtues. 

Thursday, October 16, 2014


so much has changed
ever since october 2013 
i dyed my hair brown. watched a shit ton of movies. most of them whilst lying on my bed at home and with a bare face, i take selfies with my dog. i read a shit ton of books. 26? 27? bought a shit ton of new clothes. i wear them once. twice. started school.  
 i dyed my hair blue. i still watch movies. i still buy new clothes. i wear them twice and people started to take notice. i do not wear them anymore.
i dyed my hair green. i thank people who compliment my hair. i am not used to talking to this many people within a timespan of 3 months. i am fascinated, and absolutely in awe of the people who were fascinated, and absolutely in awe of me. i still read a shit ton of books. i buy more new clothes, not forgetting make up. i am still putting up this spurious facade and i didn't even realise that i was doing so until;
i dyed my hair purple. i meet more new people. one night i sat around in a circle with the lot of them. i play first impressions with said people. fifteen out of fifteen thought i was arrogant-daunting-hostile-unapproachable. eventually they realised i wasn't what they envisioned "a girl like me" to be after all.  
i dyed my hair purple. and it got me thinking. i still watch a shit ton of movies. i still read a shit ton of books. i don't take selfies with my dog bare faced any more, though. i hate the shadow under my eyes. i hate the uncoloured spaces between the strands of my brows. i still buy a shit ton of new clothes. wait, i only wear them once now. 
i dyed my hair blue. what the hell was i supposed to do? define "a girl like me". i wear new clothes and i put on make up. but i still read a shit ton of books. i still watch a shit ton of movies. i still take photos of my dog. of. not with. how did i end up here? guess blue was when i started to change. 
i dyed my hair black. no more stereotypes. i try to make better first impressions. stop being so damn anxious all the time. i hated meeting new people. i am starting to make progress. i buy lesser clothes. i wear them twice now. maybe thrice because who the fuck cares? i still read my books and i still watch my movies. i started taking selfies with my dog again.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

my idea of a perfect morning

waking up at 8 to the sound of pouring rain and thunderstorms outside foggy windows. brush my teeth, cuddle with my dog and perhaps have something healthy for breakfast for a change. raspberries. go back to huddling under my blankets, pick up my book because i always go to sleep with something to read at night and start diving into a whole new world that will never be mine to live in. take a step back to just breathe and think about how fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and how thankful i am to have wonderful people in my life. how did i get so lucky?

(and none of that involved my phone, computer or any other form of technology and whatnot)

Sunday, September 14, 2014

note to self

Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

17 facts about me

apparently someone brought back the 20 facts about me trend on instagram and i don't normally hop onto bandwagons like these but since i was tagged by my friends a couple of times i figured why not turn this 20 facts thing into a blog post. i'd have the freedom to write more because i wouldn't have to be concerned about crafting out a long ass caption on IG anyway. here goes.

1. i am an introvert.

it doesn't seem like it to a lot of people because i can actually be really loud and hyperactive when i am with my friends. my close friends. 

introverts - they don't necessarily have to be socially inept, ineffective and shy all the time. but i enjoy the quiet and i love being alone and i get really tense and nervous before meeting people for the first time. unlike a lot of my extroverted friends, i would rather stay home than go to parties on friday nights. my best thinking occurs when i'm by myself. i don't hate group projects, i just like to work and do things on my own. i took the MBTI personality test and i am an INTJ haha and oh, i hate crowds. 

2. i grew up watching disney channel, nickelodeon and...... WWE 

i absolutely LOVED watching the old TV shows like lizzie mcguire, that's so raven, even stevens, the suite life of zack and cody, drake & josh, all that, the amanda show, kenan & kel... 

but growing up with two older brothers, i watched a LOT of wrestling. ever since i was 6? 7? i was a huge fan of WWE, i think i stopped watching when i was in secondary school. but i still love talking about WWE with my friends. i must say, my knowledge of the wrestling world is pretty impressive. 

3. my favourite genres of music are mostly alternative, indie-folk, acoustic, (a little bit of) punk and post-rock.

i used to listen to poppy music in primary school but then i grew out of it after my brother's friend went through my playlists and told me "what?! the songs you listen to are so... MTV!" now i am unable to listen to a song that is top 10 on the itunes chart without cringing. 

4. i am a bookworm.

you should probably already know that, i love books. my favourite place in the country is actually a bookstore. i love reading. and for the past couple of weeks i've bought way too many books (and that is perfectly okay). i got a new bookshelf last year and i am currently in need of a larger space to store all my books already. 

fantasy, contemporary, fiction, non-fiction, sci-fi, paranormal, dystopian... childrens, young adult, adult... i don't really have a favourite genre, i love them all.  

5. one of my biggest pet peeves is when people. don't. close. doors. 

in an air-conditioned environments like starbucks, i could be on the second floor, witness the entrance door being left ajar and i'd walk all the way down just to close it. not a hassle. i cannot stand it when doors aren't closed. especially when they are meant to be closed adfjksdflkjak. 

6. i once got suspended in secondary school for yelling "fuck you lah" at my teacher. 

thought that would be an interesting fact. i apologized to her the night after of course, but when i did it i did not feel an ounce of guilt at all!!! i remember checking my phone for the time as the clock in class was spoilt and she was threatening to keep my phone for two weeks, the part that angered me the most was the fact that majority of my classmates were either playing games and texting on their phones or sleeping. *deep fire breaths* but yeah, don't yell at your teachers. 

i spent 8 hours in the general office studying chemistry though. and i've never not gotten an A1 for the subject ever since. hah. this is me subtly boasting. which brings me to the next fact about me.

7. yes, chemistry was my favourite subject in secondary school.

and i have considered becoming a chemistry teacher. but i don't think i have the patience or the capability of becoming one. 

8. i love anything that is green tea flavoured. 

anything. quirky snacks, drinks, ANYTHING. since i'm writing about food...

9. if i could eat only one food for the rest of my life, it'd be sushi.

i can never get sick of sushi and sashimi, 'nuff said. i wish more of my friends would eat sushi with wasabi because wasabi. is. awesome. 

japanese food is awesome in general. 

10. i want to travel the world. 

i mean, duh. 

some of the places i really want to visit would be aussie, japan, europe, greece and egypt. i just really wanna hop on a plane and go everywhere. and i mean, everywhere.

11. avenged sevenfold was the first ever concert that i've ever been to. 

i got pretty claustrophobic because everyone was just sooooo passionate about pushing and shoving to get their way. i was 14 and i was surrounded by big guys with eyeliner and long hair. i am allowed to be frightened by things like that. nonetheless, my friends took care of me and i had a whole lot of fun. avenged sevenfold is probably the only heavy metal band that i listen to. 

i attended my second, third and fourth concert (mayday parade, the 1975 and gentle bones) this year.

concert. tickets. are. not. cheap. 

12. i can play the piano. 

stopped at grade 6 because i remember being so stressed to the point where i'd cry during every piano lesson in 2012. 

i switched to a private tutor that year and she was perpetually rude and impatient throughout our lessons. plus she smells really bad. also, piano lessons are extremely costly. i decided that since i am already capable of reading notes and considering the fact that i don't aspire to be a pianist in the future, i didn't want to waste my parents' money anymore.

13. i don't drink. 

whenever i'm out with my friends and they order some martini or margarita or whatever it is they're called, i'd get a drink with the least alcohol content. i can't take alcohol for nuts. 

i once drank apple cider, got really red... and puked. 

oh and i once drank a can of tiger beer - the one with a twist of lemon - got really red... and puked. 

i've never gotten drunk and i don't think i'd ever want to try getting drunk. 

14. i had braces at some point of my life. 

from september 2011 to june 2013, which was not very long ago. i had to go for this not-so-minor-yet-not-so-major surgery to remove this tooth that was lying horizontally underneath my bottom set of teeth. inside my gums. i thought i was going to DIE... but i got through it. i was put under general anaesthesia, so i felt something rush through my veins and the next thing i knew i was lying on the hospital bed with a nurse standing next to it, offering me chocolate ice-cream. 

ps: retainers are the current bane of my existence.

15. besides losing the people i love, one of my biggest fears would be: birds (or anything living that flies) 

i hate anything that FLIES. especially birds. some of my worst nightmares involved birds flying straight up to my face and it was terrifying. i hate it when my friends try to run towards a flock of pigeons, beckoning them to fly away. what if they fly straight towards my goddamn face?!

16. biggest fear number 2: heights 

guess i'm just afraid of falling off buildings. i am fine with roller coasters, though. if you were to ask me if i'd ever been on the singapore flyer, yes.

i sat in the middle of that godforsaken pod(?) and closed my eyes throughout.

i also really fucking hate cable cars.

17. biggest fear number 3: the dark 

even when sleeping over at a friend's place in the dark, i remember looking at her and trying to find her facial features while she was speaking to me, i couldn't see anything and so i started thinking that i was talking to an eyeless, noseless, mouthless ghost.

i hate sleeping in the dark.

i used to sleep with night lights on. this year i am getting better hahahaha. but i still hate the dark!


ok i can't think of anymore facts... so tada. i am a very boring person.

by the way i just finished a book last night and i can't stop thinking about it. it's titled winger, written by andrew smith and it is by far one of my favourite favourite favourite books of all time. i love that book so much i finished all 439 pages in two days. crude, freaking hilarious and... heartbreaking. please go read it.