Friday, July 18, 2014

we are all made of stars

did you know that on a basic quantum level, all the matter in the universe is essentially made up of stardust? the thought of turning into stardust after death sets my mind at rest. being strewn across millions of light years, seeing planets forming, witnessing the birth and collapse of stars and nebulas,  swimming in black holes, it is more appealing than a chastening hell - who deserves to continue burning and who will become angels - you will become apart of something bigger than that. how reassuring. 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

a letter to my 10 year-old self

your friends, teachers and family will tell you that you are pretty. and that you should go strive to be a singer or an actress. so that was what you wanted to grow up to be. every time a person asks you about your ambition, the corners of your mouth will turn upwards as your eyes light up and you will answer them with utmost confidence, a singer or an actress. pretty. you will be thrilled to finally turn thirteen, because that would mean that hey, you will officially become a teenager. i wish i could go back in time to tell you this, but i can't. soon enough, you will see beneath the glamorisation of being a teenager and understand that it is not that intoxicating after all. this is when you will start to question if you are really going to live your dreams of becoming a singer or an actress. this is when you will stop believing in people when they tell you that you are pretty. some day an ignorant boy will come along and he is going to tell you that you are fat. just so you know, i hate that fucking word. fat. nonetheless, you will believe his goddamn words. you will only eat dinners when your parents suggest it. you will swallow the noise in your head and shrivel your own stomach, you will even say no to pizza. but i want you to know that that is okay. one day, you will learn. you will glow and get full again. you will end up chasing other dreams, but your love and passion for music will be unending. now that I am older, i see that the world and my life is not like what you've seen and read about in fairytales. someday, you will learn to accept that. so just try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to, okay?

Sunday, July 6, 2014

damned princess

there will be a time, when she’s sad for many days at a time. when the shadow of the monster living in her head looms over her with its claws out and devours her as a whole. she will cross her legs and remain hidden in the dark. i guess she’s too tired to fight it. leave her be, when the empires start burning in her veins or when the kingdoms start crashing down. you will try to reach her, in the midst of all the falling debris, but this is a war you cannot win. you would burn down the sky just to hold her hand, but what will you do when she finally looks at you, white flag clutched in her shaking fingers, begging you to let her drown?

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

happy july

i know i haven't been updating much. i keep writing in my journal. i recommend everyone to keep a journal because i've been doing so since the start of the year and it'd be pretty cool to look back and read all that i've written at the end of 2014. speaking of, half of the year has gone by, just like that. hmmm.

i am happy. this year's been pretty great so far. i met sooooo many new and wonderful people. grateful. i am grateful :-)

i used to pen down every little detail of my daily life and publish it for the people of the internet to see. i do not do that anymore, must be one of the symptoms of growing old. i really hope i'd find it in me to blog more though!!

far too lazy to arrange the images in chronological order for my own good 


have an amazing month ahead, everybody 



once upon a time, my grandfather sat me upon his lap and told me the tales of our people, the first people. 
before man came into this world, we soared with the birds, slept beside the tigers, played tag with the bears and sung with the wolves. and then man came, emerging from the looming silhouettes of beasts and demons. they ravaged and plundered, fires were set, people were killed, diseases were brought. 
so we left. 

the trees no longer wave or wink when we pass by, they stand tall and they hang proud, silent as a stone. wary bears and racoons give furtive and untrusting glances, we cannot shake hands with them anymore. man now sleep alone, sing alone, eat alone. they've also forgotten how to fly. 
we can never go back as much as they want to. they have trapped and enclosed themselves inside walls of rock, leaving imagination for the children. 
and with that, my grandfather shook his head, with a sad smile on his face.