Thursday, March 26, 2015

when you feel pain you write about it

on the first day
it was the most horrible feeling on earth. i was taken aback by how it was harder than standing behind a glass window alongside my family, watching my late grandfather turn into fine gravel. it was like being stabbed in the chest a thousand times, no,  the pain was so excruciating it was indescribable. it was as if the stars were dying and the earth crumbling to pieces but i have learnt that it was not the world, it was only me. it was like my skin ripped from my bones, my lungs aflame, a sharp butterfly knife to my gut, being put in a state of perpetual darkness that even the lights in my eyes burnt out. i remember blurry windowpanes and a pack of tissues offered by a kind stranger. i remember my head dizzy with sorrow i could go on and on and on -
but it gets better. i mean, it is getting better. after willingly immersing myself in the dark abyss, key word willingly, i stood up and found light in my eyes again. empty, but working towards being whole. strong. i have some of the most amazing people in my life and i am immensely thankful for that. i have books. i have music. i have life. it may hurt sometimes, but i think to myself, how wonderful it is to be bleeding, bruised, but furiously alive? everything will be okay. and i know for a fact that one day i'll look back at this very post and tell myself i was right. everything will be okay.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Saturday, March 14, 2015

things i wished my mother told me

  • when you wake up in the morning, you will see things in a different light.
  • don't touch a fucking cigarette.
  • never be afraid of taking up space - you've earned it, you deserved it. 
  • 'no' is your friend - don't be scared to use him. 
  • you are going to feel like shit about how you look on some days and that is perfectly okay
  • moments of unbearable loneliness will come - so start learning to love being with yourself for no one has the potential to love you like you can. 
  • don't carry broken people who are not in the works of rebuilding themselves. 
  • learn to defend yourself because other people would rarely do that for you. 
  • be accountable for what you do. 
  • you are good at something, whether it's remembering people's birthday or making them smile, the little things matter. don't let them tell you otherwise. 
  • you're going to be fine. 
  • you're going to be okay. 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

-

my chest feels crowded and i feel so alone.

i used to think i'm fucking psychotic because i think so differently from everyone else.

and i probably am, but i am human, and i am breathing and i am  a  l  i  v  e

i am worth something.

Monday, January 26, 2015

3 valuable lessons my mother taught me

1. don't you depend on anyone but yourself. if you want a cup of milo, go make yourself a cup of milo. you can do it yourself. if you want to be happy, strive for your own happiness. you can do it yourself.

2. everyone has their own language in expressing love - it can be blatant i love yous and for some, doing the dishes without you asking the person to. not everybody is raised in a home where "i love you" was said. don't think less of a person if they don't say it all the time or express it in a less mainstream method.

3. do your best and it will be enough. there is nothing stopping you from becoming magnificent. and maybe one day, you will realize that you already are.

Monday, January 12, 2015

unwritten

let the people who persistently tries to bring you down go. get rid of them. they don't even deserve a proper goodbye. surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.

you know, i don't think i'm a good person. in fact, some days i think i am an absolutely horrid individual who isn't worthy of the good things i now have in my run-of-the-mill life. but other days, i think i'm kinda great and i deserve a pat on the back for certain things. and i presume that these days are the effect of spending time with some incredible people (be it friends, family, my dog... whatever). some people come into your life as a blessing. and some, come as a lesson. i sound so pretentiously philosophical (ugh, alliterations!!!) - but it's true. so

just
   let
      them
           go.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

take a walk

rewatching one of my fav animation films of all time - with lemon the pastel-coloured bear 


ooooh pretty 




BOOkmark... geddit? 

note to self and everyone:
i. if you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it. 
ii.  if you do not ask, the answer will always be no. 
iii. if you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.

it's been a year since i entered the very hall of my secondary school for the collection of my o level results!! wishin' my juniors all the best! (stay hopeful, stay humble)

it's kinda mind-boggling to think that after approximately a month's time now, i'll be finishing my first year in poly - with absolutely no regrets.